I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
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you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
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On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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