If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
