She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
