i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
