Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
