you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My balls are so social today.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize