i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
