you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
