he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
