Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
did i walk over a car last night?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
