Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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