I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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