She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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