The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
