When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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