you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
