My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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