hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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