When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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