Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
