id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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