He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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