gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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