ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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