Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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