how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
