Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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