You can't motorboat a personality
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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