I faked an abortion last night.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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