I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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