I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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