There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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