I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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