why didn't you poke me back
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
