Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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