He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She told me I should be a condom model.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
