my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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