90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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