Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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