no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
