worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
