Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
