Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
