i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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