I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
