We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
