You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
