everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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