plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
