Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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