i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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