Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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