Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
