I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sober January is a disaster.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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