By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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