Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
