i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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