Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
