I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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