Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
