so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
